


Crushing

by flootzavut



Series: Lie to NCIS [45]
Category: Lie to Me (TV), NCIS
Genre: Awesome Foursome, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Humour, JxC, Kate Lives, Lie to NCIS, M/M, UST, crossoververse, foursomeverse, queer, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 17:24:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10835877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: Cal is fighting a losing battle...Crib notes for the fandom blindhere.





	Crushing

* * *

**_Crushing_ **

* * *

 

Cal sighs and drags his attention back to the file in front of him for approximately the three millionth time. It's sorta depressing how hard it is to keep his eyes to himself. Admittedly, this little tête-à-tête with the movers and shakers of NCIS over a case that turned out to be bigger than expected is not a particularly good distraction from being a perve, but still.  _Overly attractive bastard_.

It should make him feel betterthat he's not the only person (nor even the only guy) who can be caught staring at Gibbs, but it's really not. There's a decidedly uncomfortable sensation in his chest consisting of embarrassment, jealousy, and something he fearfully believes might be... possessiveness.

Part of him wants to leap from his chair, fling himself across the room and throw his arms around Gibbs while exclaiming 'Mine!' and glaring at all the other people who are ogling. Another part wants to hide under the table so Gibbs can't give him any more significant looks which risk making Cal blush tomato red and gibber. He's been trying to deny it and squish it and ignore it ever since Kate pointed it out, but it's no use. Gibbs is just that attractive, and it doesn't seem to matter that Cal is, hello, straight; his body doesn't care.

It wouldn't even be so bad if it was just his body - a physiological reaction is hardly his fault. If his stupid body is going to send blood rushing to his crotch despite the lack of any evolutionary benefit to shagging Gibbs - wait (he gulps, and hurriedly redirects his train of thought) - to having an uncontrollable physical reaction to a man, well... that he could more or less roll his eyes at, laugh off as hormones or something.

Unfortunately for Cal's sanity, it's not just his dick who thinks Gibbs is hot, despite his attempts to keep things compartmentalised and safely locked away in a distant corner of his head. No, that would be much too easy.

As it turns out, his brain has also been dragged down the rabbit hole, and he keeps noticing that Gibbs is a smart guy with a wicked sense of humour and considerable integrity, and by the way, his arse looks really great when he bends over. Even worse, Cal's heart keeps doing this fluttery thudding thing whenever Gibbs grins at him; a private joke from their work over at the Lightman Group pops up, Gibbs gives him a look and quirks an eyebrow in silent acknowledgement of their shared amusement, and Cal comes over all gooey and hopeless.

So far Cal's managed to restrain himself to grinning inanely back, but he's more than a little scared. One of these times, he's gonna do something irredeemably embarrassing, like giggle or blush or squirm, or maybe some combination of the above, that will make his crush excruciatingly obvious to all onlookers. On the plus side, no one from the Lightman Group is here to notice; on the minus side, there are a whole bunch of NCIS agents and analysts in the room. They might not be trained deception specialists, but they aren't stupid either, and he doesn't particularly want any of them to realise he has a raging case of being a big girl's blouse.

(Not only but also, Cal needs to invest in some kind of seriously reinforced underwear so that when Gibbs smoulders accidentally (Cal assumes it's an accident, anyway) and it makes Cal pop a deeply inconvenient stiffy, said erection would be more or less confined and unlikely to be spotted or cause trauma to innocent bystanders.)

The case itself is boring as fuck, so there's zero chance of Cal being properly distracted from his lusting. (He's given up pretending that's not what it is. Lusting after another man is messing with his head, but trying to convince himself it was purely innocent hero worship was self-deception of a kind he's never been especially good at.) He doesn't really know many people here outside of the Director and Gibbs' team, which means he has very little reason beyond generic embarrassment and Gibbs' altogether too perceptive eyes to keep himself in check; it's proving to be quite a strain on his self-control, a struggle which, frankly, he's losing rather badly.

It's sort of (ish) a good thing that Cal's never- well, never screwed a bloke, not to put too fine a point on it. Or at least, he thinks it is... because maybe if it happened he'd hate it, and he could put the idea out of his mind for good and wouldn't speculate. But when his thoughts wander that way (something which has become a distressingly regular occurrence), it's hard - no, wait, make that 'difficult', much safer - to envision Gibbs not being good at it. And if Cal'd ever swung that way and had an even remotely satisfactory experience, he suspects it'd be even more difficult to rein in his imagination. Given how his stomach does a seriously annoying swoopy thing if Cal makes the mistake of imagining kissing him, imagining Gibbs doing... other things? Cal's grateful he doesn't have a decent peg to hang that thought on, otherwise he'd be completely buggered - pun so painfully appropriate it almost makes him crack a smile.

What weirds Cal out the most is that before now, when he's been in a relationship and has been tempted, it's usually because the relationship he was in was irreparably broken. He noticed other women all the bloody time when he was with Zoe, even if he never crossed the line, and doesn't that say it all?

Hell, he was mooning over Gillian like a lovesick puppy since long before his divorce, never mind hers. Every relationship he had after meeting Gill was basically doomed to failure from the get-go; he continued to moon over her no matter who he shagged in the meantime. Part of him felt like he was cheating on her, whoever he slept with, for more years than he'd care to count.

Now he's with Gillian it's... different. He's wanted her so much and for so long, a tiny part of him wondered if actually being with her could possibly live up to his hopes and dreams. Maybe the honeymoon will end at some point - even if it's just because she decides life is too short to put up with all his shit - but right now, he's happier than he can ever remember being.

So it makes absolutely no sense that he also can't help noticing that Gibbs is seriously hot, and it seems particularly unfair.

He's sort of relieved Kate is off with Gill. Not because he's making lusty-eyes at her fella, since she seems to find that enormously amusing, but because if he's not careful he makes lusty-eyes at her, too. It's less of a mindfuck, but he has a suspicion Gibbs wouldn't be very amused, and also with the two of them in the room, Cal's brain has been known to entirely check out. He prefers it when Gill's also around; she seems just as amused as Kate is by his inability to contain his hero worship-cum-man crush-cum-actual, highly inappropriate  _crush_  crush, but no matter how hot Kate and Gibbs might be, Gill is... Gill. One day the novelty of it might not be quite so bright and shiny and wonderful, but for now, the idea he's with her and she's with him and they're together generally makes it hard to take his eyes off her when she's in the vicinity.

... yeah, he truly is a lovesick puppy. Which again, begs the question, why has his brain chosen this moment of his life, this particular period of his existence, when against all expectations he's actually happy, to tell him that he fancies a bloke? His grey matter is trying to screw him over, and it's really starting to piss him off.

Now Gibbs has passed the baton to someone else, and Cal forces himself to make another attempt at reading the threat assessment and associated paperwork in front of him. Ignoring the berk droning on out front, like they're all back in school, is easy peasy, but he (sort of) had an excuse to stare when Gibbs was the focus of attention. He didn't have an excuse to ogle, of course, but it was (he hopes) slightly less painfully obvious. Now Gibbs is just sitting there listening (and looking pretty bored himself, as well as actually pretty, in a manly sort of a way), actively staring at him would be a dead giveaway.

If Cal had the slightest bit of sense, he'd be trying a lot harder. As well as all the obvious reasons it's a bad idea for him to start ogling men at his age (because really, it's ridiculous, he's too old for this identity crisis shit), Gibbs in particular is a dangerous target. Even assuming he didn't have a fit about Cal perving on him so blatantly in the first place, Gibbs is an unapologetic bastard, possibly worse than Cal himself; if he figures out what's going on and doesn't blow a gasket, the next most likely reaction is that he will torture Cal unmercifully. It's bad enough that Cal's almost sure Gibbs is aware of his little man-crush-problem. If Gibbs realised what was really going on? Cal would be toast.

Actually, if Cal had any sense, that would at least make him a tad less attracted, but no, he's a glutton for punishment. Gibbs is a pain in the arse and a git, and generally not at all a safe person for Cal to have a crush on, and it's like honey to a bee. The fact Cal realises it's stupid and possibly self-destructive and says not very flattering things about his sanity doesn't come close to changing his libido's opinion on the matter.

Gibbs catches his eye again (because Cal really can't keep from looking), and grins, and Cal manages to smile weakly in response, though the thuddity thud in his chest is extremely distracting. He narrowly resists the urge to put a calming hand over his heart like some Edwardian lady with a case of the vapours.

It's probably just as well they're on opposite sides of the room. On the one hand, if Gibbs was sat next to him, Cal couldn't possibly ogle him without being utterly transparent, and given he'd have to completely turn sideways in his chair to do so, well, he'd probably be a little safer. Eyes forward would be easy when that meant Gibbs wasn't precisely in his eye line. On the other hand, Cal's not completely convinced he could resist the temptation to slide his hand possessively up Gibbs' thigh, and while Cal is undeniably incredibly damn curious what might happen if he did that, he feels sure it's an experiment best conducted in a more private setting.

(Or, you know, never, because Cal has no plans to cheat on Gillian ever, let alone to try it on with a man who could (and possibly would) rip his arm off for attempting to flirt.)

It's a relief on several levels when the briefing's over. Cal forces himself to gather his things methodically and not to look around eagerly for Gibbs like going back to the Lightman Group together is some kind of date.

Gibbs' right hand guy appears and hands him another sheaf of paper. Cal can't keep his sarcasm to himself: "Oh, brilliant."

The man (what's his name? Tony something?) laughs at his tone of voice. "Yeah, we get all the best briefings. Don't get too excited now."

"Looks thrillin'," Cal says. "Remind me to pop round more often."

Tony shrugs eloquently. "What you gonna do?"

"You're gonna do your damn job, DiNozzo," says Gibbs from behind Cal's left shoulder.

Cal turns to find Gibbs doing that eyebrow thing he does, sardonically amused. It totally doesn't do a number on Cal's brain.

(That might be a lie.)

"Tony, you make sure McGee's up to speed. Lightman, you and me are gonna go back and talk to witnesses again right after I'm done with Vance, okay?"

Cal nods mutely. (He's still recovering from the eyebrow, but he's not counting the seconds until they can get out of here - he's not quite that tragic yet.)

"Be right with you," says Gibbs, with a wink, then turns away.

Oh God, who's he kidding? He can't wait to have Gibbs to himself again. It's sad. He shakes his head and laughs. What a complete pillock he is.

When he glances up, realising too late that he's got a foolish, gormless smirk on his face, it's just in time to see Tony give him a funny look.

Cal attempts to give him a 'Yeah, what?' look back. Given he's seen the guy ogling Gibbs himself, Cal feels suitably justified in trying to produce a bolshy expression, but Tony just raises an eyebrow and grins knowingly. Okay, so maybe it was less a funny look and more solidarity. Again, really not as comforting as Cal would like.

He acts (or tries to) like he has no idea what Tony's getting at, like there's no way he, Cal Lightman, could have been seen doing anything about which he might reasonably be embarrassed. Then he turns away, 'cause he doesn't want to see it if his attempt at nonchalance was as unconvincing as it felt.

He hears Tony chuckle, and tries not to wince.

"Well, guess I'm gonna go get McGee in the loop." Another laugh, then, "I'll leave Gibbs for you to handle."

Cal doesn't dare look to see how much of that innuendo was deliberate; he just breathes a sigh of relief when he hears Tony walk away. His ears are burning - they must be signal red - but at least no one else around here knows him from Adam, let alone cares if he's having inappropriate lusty thoughts about a colleague.

Okay, they're gonna get out of here and go do some actual work, and Cal is gonna stop being so pathetic. He hopes.

Then a big hand lands on his shoulder, Gibbs rumbles "What say we blow this joint?" into his ear, and he stifles a groan. All right, they'll get out of here and do some work, but Cal thinks two out of three will have to do. He manages another weak smile and lets himself be guided out of the room.

He may be (he is) a total sad sack, but he gets to have Gibbs to himself, gets to tease and flirt with Kate, and then he gets to go home with Gill. He might be pathetic, but all told... life really ain't so damn bad.

_~ fin ~_


End file.
